This week I had the privilege of attending a class over the course of three days in Concord. It figures that April is on school vacation and is at home by herself. I have run out of vacation days until I accumulate more on my anniversary date, May 16th, leaving me with the inability to take any time off. I can't believe I have been working in Laconia for four years. Time does go by quite fast, but on a whole, four years really isn't that much time (especially when those around you have put in 10 or 12 years).
I have been reading a book I am really enjoying called No Angel, which is about an ATF Agent, Jay Dobyns, who infiltrates the Hells Angels MC. In the book, Dobyns, who is referred to as "Bird", has an argument with his wife Gwen. The crux of the argument is that he is not home enough, that she has been playing the parent, while he is out "doing God knows what". This is funny, because it's true. It's a similar reaction that spouses of police officers share and express, especially after a particularly aggravating shift. I don't blame them. Some days I am tired of the role I play and the hours that I work. On the flip side of the coin, my job is very self gratifying, rewarding and challenging on some levels. I know I can't be home more often, but it eats at you slowly. I don't have children, but I can only imagine the strife that patrol officers battle with when they are toward between spending time with their kids and having to work the road. In the same book, Jay's son hands him a rock everytime he leaves to head off to work. Jay is not sure why he does this, but it warms him to know that his son is thinking of him.
This brings me to my next topic: babies. Everyone is baby crazy. It seems that everyone, EVERYONE, is getting pregnant. I am 26 years old and I suppose, as April and I always say, "there is no rush". It would be nice to have a baby around and enjoy watching the baby grow into a little girl or boy. I am certainly in no rush to fast forward my life, especially since it "flies by". It seems like yesterday that I was damning the winter season, in need of warmth and sunshine. The weather right now is great, but will escape us before the blink of an eye. My task to stock this winter's wood pile is a good indication of how quickly the seasons change and progress into winter. I guess I should focus on summer first.
As the warm weather arrives, I look forward to the running, bike riding and golfing that April and I will do. I don't even remember getting into the water at all last year, so I have to add swimming to my list of things that I want to do. April and I have already done a few short rides on the motorcycle so far this year, which we enjoy doing.
Hopefully with my new summer schedule I will be able to reach out to those I care about and do the things that I want to do...the things that April wants to do. I know how valuable spending time with family is, but I don't take the time for granted. I really do cherish this time that I now only want, I need. It is an escape from my job that often becomes an obstacle to freedom. It is not a particularly rough job, with lots of dangerous aspects. It's more about time and scheduling conflicts that takes the normalcy out of the average life. It is easy to feel alone during a week day off, alone...which is why I know how April and all the other spouses out there feel when the other half is working. That is why, I keep it into perspective, and will never blame anyone for feeling this way.
Over and out...that is all.
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